


There's only me, there's only you

by TooManyPodcasts



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Pining, because beau, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 10:32:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18497134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyPodcasts/pseuds/TooManyPodcasts
Summary: Jester is jealous, and it takes Beau way too long to notice.





	1. Chapter 1

After days on the road, the party was having a night of R&R before continuing on to Felderwin in the morning. For most of the Nein, that meant drinks and an early night. For Beau, it meant some very determined flirting with the very pretty half-elf she met at the bar.

“And so,” she said, leaning back as she finished her only sliiiiightly embellished story. “That's how we became pirates.”

“I'm sure you made a very dashing pirate.” The woman said. Her smile was flirtatious as she leaned forward, and Beau couldn't help but appreciate the low cut style of her blouse. Suddenly, she stiffened, looking at something over Beau's shoulder.

“I didn't realize you had a girlfriend.” She said with a frown, straightening up.

“What? I don't!” Beau said quickly, spinning to see what the half elf--she'd said her name was Umara--had been looking at. Nothing seemed out of place.The tavern was comfortably full, but not crowded, and she did a quick scan of the tables. No one was looking at her strangely, and the women of her party all seemed occupied. Nott and Yasha looked deep in conversation with Caduceus, and Jester was…well...it looked like Jester was busy stabbing her sketchbook with a pencil. But that wasn't particularly unusual for her, Beau figured. In fact, she seemed to be doing it a lot lately.

“Well, okay, if you say so.” Umara said, with a frown. She looked like she was about to say something else, but just then her friends called for her to come back to their table. With hardly a backwards glance, she grabbed her drink and left.

She didn't speak to Beau for the rest of the night.

 

 

******

 

 

It was a clear, beautiful day, despite the rising odor as the sun warmed the City of Beasts. The Nein were busy “investigating” Asarius's main market street. Beau wasn't sure what she'd expected the market to look like, but it definitely wasn't this. Aside from the patrons, there just wasn't that much to differentiate it from any other market square she'd visited. For a city full of monsters, it was disturbing how mundane it seemed.

Beau had grown up with the Kryn as her bogeymen, sure in the knowledge that naughty children were dragged to Xhorhas to be eaten. She'd spent most of her adult life fighting the creatures that now surrounded her, going about their daily lives. She side-eyed a kobold as it brushed past, unaccountably distressed to see it carrying a wicker basket full of root vegetables.

Well, she had a job to do so she might as well get on with it.

Beau scanned the crowd, spotting a few of her party members scattered around the square. Fjord had returned to speaking with the butcher, and Caduceus--easy enough to spot even in this crowd of odd figures--seemed to have found a herb seller to chat with. It was a solid plan, assuming it _was_ a plan. The vendors would definitely be more willing to talk to a paying customer.

With that thought in mind, Beau looked around for something she could buy that wasn't _too_ expensive. After a moment, a flash of color caught her eye and she smiled to herself. Jester and Yasha would love it if she brought some flowers back to the inn. Jester would probably get all happy and cute, and she would tease Beau for buying something girly. Then she would ask for her hair to be braided and Beau could imagine her rough hands running through Jester’s silky hair, could see Jester tipping her head back to look into Beau's eyes, see the purple blush rising in blue cheeks, see her _\--except that there_ _was no way that would happen and there was literally no reason that she would be touching Jester._

She had no right to, not when she couldn't think of something as simple as buying flowers without falling into a fucking _fantasy_ about her best friend.

Still, Beau had to buy something, and there was nothing wrong with buying flowers for a friend. She would buy some for Yasha, Nott, and Caduceus too, just to prove that there was nothing special about it. Determined, she made her way through the stream of ‘people’ to the flower seller's stall.

The stall itself was a small collection of tables, roofed by a heavy cloth tarp. Flowers of every color and size sat in jars of water on the tables or hung dry from the fabric ceiling.

“See anything you like?” Said a soft, deep voice as she entered the perfumed space. Beau looked up, and then up some more.

“I do now.” She said purely on reflex, smirking up at the towering half-orc woman. The woman colored a bit, then smiled and tucked a bit of hair behind a large, pointed ear.

“That so? Well, I was referring mainly to the flowers. You looking for anything in particular? A gift for your girlfriend perhaps?”

For a guilty, longing, moment Jester's face flashed through Beau's mind. And that was, just, _unacceptable_ . She _couldn't_ keep thinking about her very straight friend like this. It was never going to happen, and the sooner she accepted that the better for everyone involved.

She needed to get over it.

In her desperation, a dumb, slightly selfish thought crossed her mind. The best way to get over someone, people said, was to get under someone else. Well, Beau could do that, no problem. No problem at all.

“No.” She said, risking a wink. “There's no one like that in my life. Although...if I ever met the right girl…” she grinned, moving slowly into the flower seller's space. There was plenty of room behind the half orc, she could have stepped away from Beau easily. Instead she smiled, her tusks poking up between full lips, and cocked an eyebrow.

“I haven't seen you around before, you new in town?” She asked. “Need someone to...show you around?”

Beau was about to reply in the affirmative when a sudden, soft, _familiar_ weight slammed into her back.

“ Oh Beau, THERE you are! I've been looking EVERYWHERE for you.” Jester said, wrapping her arms around Beau's neck from behind.

It took all of Beau's training not to jump out of her skin at the shock, and all of her self control to keep her blush down at the feeling of Jester's body pressed against hers.

“Ooh, what pretty flowers! Are you buying them for someone speeccciialll Beau?” Jester's arms moved from Beau's shoulders to her waist, and she felt Jester's chin rest against the crook of her neck.

Fuck. Fuck. Why did Jester have to be so touchy-feely? How was Beau supposed to get over her when she could feel Jester's breath on her cheek? Gods. She was too damn gay for this.

“Just--just for you.” She squeaked. No! Shit! That's not what she meant! “And Yasha of course! And Nott! I mean, I'm buying them for everyone. ”

“Oh.”

Did Jester sound disappointed? Well, yeah that made sense. She was probably hoping Beau was ‘secretly in love’ with someone so she could talk about romance with her.

“Well hurry up and buy them. We're meeting up at the Four Corners soon.”

“Yeah...I'll do that.” Beau glanced at the flower seller--whose name she hadn't even gotten--and immediately got the impression that she hadn't been quite as good at hiding her reaction to Jester as she may have wished. The half-orc's face was a mask of mingled amusement and pity. Embarrassed, Beau grabbed the closest bouquet and paid as quickly as she could. Jester clung to her until they left the stall. Then abruptly, she dropped Beau's arm and spun away, walking briskly towards the inn.

Well...that was weird.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was their second night in Rosana, and the Nein were enjoying their last evening indoors before they left to fight some goddamn giants. Beau was studiously ignoring the way their most recent encounter with giants had gone, and none of the others had mentioned it. Still, a pall of anxiety lay over the group. It had driven Fjord and Nott to an ill-advised drinking contest, and they were already upstairs asleep with Yasha and Caleb looking after them. Afterwards, only Beau, Jester, and Caduceus remained downstairs.

They were settled at a booth along the back wall, feeling the evening wind down around them, but not quite ready for bed. Caduceus was leaning against the tavern wall, his eyes half closed as if snoozing. Beau suspected he was actually people-watching, though. Jester was relaxing next to her in the booth, elbows on the table she doodled in her notebook. Her side was pressed against Beau's, which she did not find distracting, at _all._

Beau herself was doing little more than sipping her ale, although part of her was busy working up the courage to ask for a look through Jester's sketches. Just then, she caught the eye of the pretty drow bartender, who was busy tidying up the tavern. She made a show of looking Beau up and down, and then winked.

Well...that was unexpected. Especially considering the reception the human members of the group had been getting in Rosana so far. But hey, who was Beau to judge. The woman wasn't really her type--a little too elegant, a little too similar to the rich, stuffy, merchants she'd known in her youth--but tonight would be her last chance to try out that whole “getting under someone else” theory for quite a while. With that thought in mind, Beau let her posture shift to something more languid, more confident. Combined with her monk's physique, she knew it was a good look. She grinned invitingly at the drow.  

“Hmm, looks like Beau has made a new friend.” She heard Caduceus stage-whisper to Jester. Beau shot him a glare as the bartender left off wiping tables and began to stroll casually towards the group.

“Well hello there.” The woman's voice was breathy, but pleasant. “Anything I can get you?”

“Your name would be nice.” Beau said, trying not to react to the fact that Jester's head had just shifted to rest on her shoulder. Instead she focused on the drow woman, who stood with her hips cocked flirtatiously, a smile on her purple lips.

“Laele.” She said, beginning to twirl a bit of her hair between her fingers. “And yours?”

“Beauregard.” Beau said. Jester's hand settled on her left thigh, distractingly warm. _She must be falling asleep_ , Beau thought, as Jester leaned more of her weight against Beau's side.

“So where are you from? We don't see a lot of humans here. And I heard you all shouting about having Her Majesty's favor earlier. I'm sure that story must be absolutely _fascinating.”_ Laele was still smiling, but her face held a trace of confusion now and she shot a questioning glance at Jester’s hand. For a moment Beau was tempted to shake the tiefling off, but that might hurt Jester's feelings.

“Well it's a bit of a long story. You see, my, uh, compatriots and I came here from the Menagerie coast.” Not technically a lie. “We happened across an interesting--.”

Beau cut off as she felt something warm wind around her left arm. She glanced over, alarmed, but it was only Jester's tail. This was something the tiefling often did when she was feeling cuddly, as she _clearly_ was now, so Beau didn't think much of it.

“So, like I was saying--.”

“Apologies.” The bartender said abruptly. “I seem to have misunderstood something.” Her face had darkened significantly in what Beau could only assume was a blush. Her smile froze in place. “Now, would you all like another round? No? Well then have a good evening.” She turned and retreated, stiff-backed, to the kitchen.

 _What was that about_? Beau wondered, more surprised than hurt by the drow's sudden departure. It was a pretty extreme reaction to some platonic tail holding. The analytical part of her brain pointed out that tieflings were more common here in Xhorhas. Maybe there were customs she didn't know about.

Well, not that Beau knew much about tiefling customs in the first place. And it wasn't as if she'd ever asked Jester about it. The high blush on the drow woman's face made her wonder for just a moment, though. What if...

Suddenly, Beau was irritated. Here she was, trying her best to get rid of these inappropriate thoughts, and the target of them kept making things worse. Feeling resolute, she began to unwind Jester's tail from her wrist.

“C'mon Jess, stop that. You're giving people the wrong idea.” She grumbled, sending her most convincing glare in the cleric's direction.

She expected a joke, or maybe some teasing about how Beau was _'trying to get laaaiiidd_.’ Instead, as Jester's tail slipped off her wrist, Beau saw her face crumble. For a single, shocking instant, Jester's cheerful facade failed and Beau saw real hurt in her eyes.

“Sorry Beau, I guess you're right.”

Then Jester wiggled her eyebrows, scooting slightly away from Beau along the bench, so that their skin no longer touched. Her smile returned, as blinding as ever. “After all, I wouldn't want to get in the way of you getting laaaaiiiid.”

_Oh shit._

Jester was upset. Like, really upset. Beau needed to apologize, needed to make the tiefling’s smile genuine again, but she wasn’t really sure what she’d done. She replayed the last few minutes in her mind. Any way she looked at it, there was no reason Jester's feelings should have been so hurt, unless---

Beau stopped that thought right in its tracks. But the idea continued to rattle around, picking up weight as it rolled, like a snowball. Next to her, now as far from Beau as she could get in the confined space, Jester was staring blankly at her sketchbook, fiddling with the pencil in her hand. There was a smile still plastered across her lips, but unhappiness seemed to roll off her in waves.

 _Oh, this is really really bad, her feelings are legitimately hurt. What the fuck do I do, what the fuck_ did _I do? It can't just be the tail thing, she knows I don't like to cuddle in public. What did I do what did I do what did I do? Fuck. Fuck. FUCK._

Beau knew what the obvious answer was, she wasn't stupid. But it was, just, _impossible_ to consider that she'd made Jester jealous. Or that she had hurt her _very_ _straight_ best friend's feelings by saying that the bartender had the 'wrong idea'.

And yet, her traitorous heart kept whispering; “ _what if, what if, what if.”_ She knew it was foolish. What could Jester see in her? Even aside from the whole gender thing, Beau wasn't exactly prime girlfriend material. She was an asshole, and she knew it. Not to get too fucking maudlin, but if her own _parents_ didn't love her she sure as hell couldn't believe that someone as amazing as Jester did.

And yet.

Hope, suffocating and elating at once, filled her chest. Desperately, she tried to shove it down, even as all of Jester’s weirdness over the last few weeks flashed through her mind. _What if, what if, what if._

Suddenly Jester stood.

“I'm going to head up to bed, we've got a long day tomorrow after all! Could you let me pass, Beau?”

Beau stood to let Jester out of the booth. “ _Don't say it.”_ She hissed at herself, internally. “ _You stupid bitch just let her go. She'll be back to normal in the morning. You don't have to have this conversation now, or ever. Just say goodnight.”_

“Actually, I think I'll head up too.” She said, instead.

Oh, she was fucked.

  


*****

 

“So, uh, Jes?” Beau said, closing the door behind her. “I feel like we should talk.”

Jester had just flopped face-first onto the bed, and Beau had to force the word “ _cute”_ to the back of her mind when she looked up, her face frowning in mock-distress.

“Ooh, sounds scary Beau. What's up?”

Beau crossed the room to sit on the edge of the large bed. Up close, she noticed a tension to the lines of Jester's body. Maybe the frown wasn't so playful after all.

“Well,” she said, hoping she wasn't about to make a terrible, terrible mistake. But--the look she’d seen in Jester's eyes, downstairs? Her chest ached with hope, and she felt that if she didn't speak she might just stop breathing. “I couldn't help but notice that you've been acting a little strange lately. Whenever I--well...whenever I flirt with other girls. I can't help but wonder why that--OH SHIT, JESTER.”

Whatever Beau had expected Jester's reaction to be, absolutely nothing could have prepared her for the sight of tears springing to the tiefling's lavender eyes. 

“Oh shit, no Jester, don't cry, please, oh my God's, I'll drop this right now I'll never mention it again, I'm so sorry I misunderstood.” Beau was babbling, reaching for Jester even as she pulled away, sitting up on her knees.

“Im...so..sorry...Beau.” She sniffled. “I know it was selfish of me, I know it's not fair of me to get jealous when you don't even feel the same. I know I have no right to interfere with your love life. I just, couldn't help myself. Please don't hate me! I'll stop it, I swear.”

"What?"

Had she heard all of that right? Beau felt light headed, like her lungs were going to explode and her heart was going to tear through her chest. The hope within her seemed made of glass shards, lacerating her organs with every breath.

“What--what are you saying?” She whispered, surging forward to pull Jester into her arms. “Jester, look at me, look at me please, do you...but...I thought you liked boys?”

Jester sniffled, but allowed Beau to lift her face up, even as tears still streamed down her cheeks.

“I like _you_ Beau. I thought...well I thought a lot of things, but love isn't anything like in the books I've read. It's stupid and painful and I fell in love with my best friend who won't even _look_ at me even though she flirts with everyone else and now I'm crying about it in front of her and--”

Beau kissed her.

It was supposed to be gentle--a soft press of the lips to convey what she didn't have the breath to say out loud. But then the tiefling's lips parted in a gasp, and Beau was overcome. She was kissing _Jester_. Her hands were tangled in soft hair, her senses overwhelmed by the smell of lavender. And then Jester started to kiss her back, just as desperately, and she lost herself in the feeling.

When they finally parted, Jester was breathing hard, her eyes shining, her lips swollen.

“Beau?” She whispered. An anxious, desperate question.

“I love you too.” Beau answered immediately. She spoke quickly, almost stumbling over the words in her haste. But there could be no more misunderstandings, not after that kiss. "Just now, downstairs, I was only trying to keep my mind off you. I thought there was no way you could feel the same as me. I'm sorry for making you jealous.”

“It doesn't matter now.” Jester said, smiling. There were tears in her eyes again, but these were the good kind. “I really, really love you Beau.”

“I really really love you too.” She said, and pulled Jester in for another kiss.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a one-shot but ended up way too long. Title from a song I listened to while writing. Also, trying to write flirting scenes is hell


End file.
